{Day 29: Wednesday May 30, 2012}

In the past 29 days (it’s been almost 30 days, by the way) I’ve told a few people about my goal to compete in a fitness competition. It usually starts out with some innocent observations about my eating habits or the fact that I carry my food with with me in a cooler bag. It’s always the same questions: “Why are you carrying that cooler bag around? What is with you and all of the water? Why are you eating again?”. And my absolute favorite is, “Is that a pancake you just pulled from your purse?”

Yes, yes I did just pull a pancake from my purse. Thanks for asking.

Most of the questions I’ve received have come from people at work and I work in a very large hotel so there are a lot of people that I work around and see every day. In my immediate area I work with almost all men and they know my obsession with food already so it’s not weird for me to bite into a green pepper like it’s an apple and they don’t bat an eye. But in the break room everyone wants to know what I’m carrying in my bag and why I always bring my lunch when we have a cafeteria that provides food for us (for free).

At first I told only a few people about the competition and then as I started to get more comfortable I didn’t mind telling people about what I’m doing. It’s nice to be able to talk about it and most everyone knew something about competitions already so I didn’t have to explain. Some of my coworkers have been asking me every day how things are going and one of the chefs drops everything and does bodybuilding poses every time he sees me. The hard part is when you say, “I’m training for a fitness competition” and you get a blank stare. They will then ask, “Oh, like a triathlon/marathon/mud run/etc?” and I say, “No, it’s a competition that I will train for and it’s not until the fall but I’m on a specific nutrition and exercise plan until then”. More blank stares, followed by “So what is it you have to actually do?”

So this is where it gets tricky for me. I’ve gone the “It’s a bodybuilding competition, and there are different organizations that hold the competitions, and also different levels of fitness and you compete against other people for best physique” and then I will inevitably get asked, “Ew, are you going to get all manly and muscular?”. Ugh. Then I can try the other route, which is to say “It’s a bikini competition” which then leads to questions like, “Oh, like Hawaiian Tropic?” ::face palm::.

So what should I answer when people ask me about my training? I am heading to my hometown of St Louis, MO this weekend for some family time and I know I will end up answering this questions no less than 5 times while I’m there because I will still be eating according to my plan and following my workouts. How can I explain that I’m getting in the best possible shape of my life and have set a goal for myself to make sure that I do because…….well, why the hell not?

{If you are a competitor, how do you explain your goals to people who don’t know about this industry?}

turbogirl:

The Grind is that time in your physique transformation where you just put your head down and grind it out.

It’s often the time between the initial fast “newbie” results and the final results. Changes are occurring in your body, but you may not see them from week to week.

Mentally, The Grind is also where some of that new program and new diet enthusiasm wears off and it all becomes routine, even boring. There’s nothing left to do or say really; you just work the plan, day to day to day.

But toward the end of The Grind, what’ll happen is that you’ll glance back at your “befores” and realize you’ve made some major changes. Other people will begin to notice. And that positive feedback will reignite the enthusiasm. And that will cause you to kick the training up a notch, leading to more results.

I think The Grind applies to life in general too, not just to losing fat and gaining muscle. There are simply times when we have to put aside all distractions (even the good ones), put our heads down, grit our teeth, and grind it out. At the end of The Grind lies an achievement, something great, or some reward or pay-off. But The Grind always comes first.

Thing is, most people won’t make this sacrifice; they won’t even begin The Grind, much less finish it. And that’s why most people don’t succeed. The Grind is often what separates the great from the average.

It’s as simple as that sometimes.

-Erik Ledin

{Day 28: Monday May 29, 2012}

Thoughts…….and a Confession: 

This past week was good, I made it for all of my workouts and even managed to fit in a hike in addition to the plan that was laid out for me by my coach. I’m done with school so I have a lot more free time during the day but I’m trying not to become lazy during the day and waste time online before hitting then gym (hence me not posting quite as much). But one part of documenting my journey is that I feel accountable to my readers and when I wasn’t posting much this weekend I was fighting some serious cravings. I was strong on Thursday and Friday, though I had a couple of stressful days at work but then on Saturday night I had a nibble of a chocolate at work and it felt like a landslide.

I ended up eating 1/2 of a dark chocolate bar and a spoonful of Nutella that night after work and instantly felt guilty. I had gone 25 days on my plan and hadn’t deterred and I was mostly just disappointed in myself. I emailed my coach right then and let her know that I had a cheat and I put myself to bed. I woke up on Sunday and felt really guilty, on top of having a bad stomachache (it was 90% cocoa chocolate, which doesn’t even taste good but I kept eating it). Instead of throwing a pity party for myself and possibly making it worse with more bad food, I took myself to the gym and did my cardio and then I had a massage that I had previously scheduled. On the way there I thought, “I don’t deserve this massage” and then I stopped my negative thoughts by asking myself “Why don’t you deserve this? Because of some damn chocolate? Snap out of it.” So I did.

Because of this I wasn’t surprised to see a small gain on the scale, but I also have a feeling that it’s more related to the time of the month for me because I’m feeling really bloated right now. I’m trying to drink more water but I’m just feeling soft—I know next week I’ll be back to normal so I’ll just keep on keeping on. Even though I feel like I’m retaining water my measurements were still smaller on my waist, hips, and thighs. All of this is great and I’m learning so much about how the scale really doesn’t tell you the whole story. So far in the past 4 weeks I have lost a full inch off of my hips and thighs, which is amazing for me.

I heard from my coach and she thanked me for being honest and letting her know and then said “Time to let it go and move on”. I won’t let a little slip deter me from my goal and I won’t go back to my old binge-guilt cycle that I used to have. I’m not starting over again at “Day 1” like I would in the past because this is my journey and I am proud that I went 25 days of eating completely on my plan because that is something I have never accomplished before.

{One “off” meal doesn’t kill 4 weeks of “on” days. I can’t wait to see where I am at Day 50, 75, and 100.}

{Day 25: Saturday May 26, 2012}

Something weird happened to me this morning.

I woke up and thought to myself……”I don’t want pancakes.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How can this be? After 25 mornings of savoring every.single.bite. of my pancakes and vowing that they will never get old, I just woke up and didn’t want them? What would I eat? If I made something else would I regret it? These were all important questions but then I had an idea: 

French toast!

I made my French toast with Ezekiel sprouted grain bread, 2 eggs, almond milk, stevia, and cinnamon and then topped them with almond butter, a little jam, a little sugar free maple syrup, and some ripe blackberries (which I proceeded to squish and make a homemade spread out of—my favorite thing right now). 

They were wonderful.

I also made myself a latte with almond milk and this girl’s Saturday morning was started off right!

After ruining my beloved Nike Free’s on the mountain yesterday…….

I treated myself to some bright new kicks!**

(**You know you are addicted when you decide to buy new tennis shoes over dying your inch long roots. I’m not fooling anyone into thinking I’m a natural blonde right now, but at least my feet look damn good when I’m at the gym.)

{Day 22: Wednesday May 23, 2012}

Today was a great day off, especially after working for 10 hours unexpectedly yesterday. I woke up and got into the fridge to get my eggs to start breakfast and realized I only had two left—I almost had a break down right there before I even had my coffee. But I stopped myself and tried to think about what I could do to get enough protein and thought of my chocolate protein powder then it hit me—chocolate pancakes!

I followed the recipe for Zain’s Chocolate Pancakes, but tweaked it a bit by using oats and stevia. They were really great and I’m already looking forward to tomorrow morning.

I picked up a friend from work that just moved here and we headed to Cowles Mountain, my favorite place to hike in San Diego. It was her first time and I knew I wanted to hit the gym later for my leg workout so we took it slow and just talked and enjoyed the climb. It was pretty cloudy so I didn’t get any good pictures, but it was nice to do something that didn’t involve being stuck in the gym.

After we left there we went to get get some coffee and then I showed her La Jolla and the sea lions that hang out on the beach.

Working on their summer tans.

After a long day in the car sightseeing and showing her around, I came back home and collapsed on the couch and didn’t want to move. It would have been so easy to push off my workout and say “Well, I did work my legs by hiking today and I can just move my workout to tomorrow because I only have cardio planned” but I knew that I should get up and just get it done. It was really hard to get there and get moving, but after I did I felt so much better and felt like I accomplished something. No excuses, just do it. 

I grocery shopped, food prepped, and now I’m ready for the next four days of work and I won’t have to cook again until Monday.

Dinner was shrimp, onion, pepper, tomato, black beans, avocado, and salsa.

I spent the rest of the night watching Game of Thrones. I’m getting addicted!

{I love having days off when you have a mix of being productive and getting things done, while also taking time to do the things you enjoy and make you happy.}

{Tuesday May 22, 2012}

Yesterday me and the husband took a day trip to Julian, a small town in the about an hour east of San Diego in the Cuyamaca Mountains. I have lived in San Diego for over 2 years now and I had never been there but had heard great things from others who like to go there in the fall to go apple picking. We headed out and drove east and I saw a part of San Diego that I never see. Mountains, forests, and lakes are much different from the dry beach side areas that I stick to. 

A view point on the way.

The town was tiny, we walked from one end to another in ten minutes but it was filled with antique shops and tiny boutiques.

Julian is known for it’s apple pies and everyone raves about them. There were bakeries lining the street and the smell of pies baking.

We found a spot that said it was voted the best…..

…and each bought a piece.

He ate his as soon as we left the shop and I came home and put my in the freezer to save for a later date. This was definitely hard to do but I know that I’ll enjoy it more when I’m able to indulge without the guilt of going off of my plan. I made my decision and I’m sticking to it, and that pie will be a great reward down the line when I can indulge guilt-free!

{Day 20: Monday May 21, 2012}

Tonight I was craving Mexican food. Spicy, tangy, lime-y Mexican food.

Here’s what I threw together:

• sprouted corn tortillas
• shrimp
• onion
• bell pepper
• black beans
• low sodium salsa
• fresh lime juice
• garlic
• paprika
• chili powder

You would have never known that they were “clean”. In fact, my husband went back for thirds. Eating whole, fresh foods means you can each much more food and all of this was measured according to my plan.

{Now, time for Clean Nut Butter Cups made with almond butter for dessert and watching a movie on the couch.}

{Day 20: Monday May 21, 2012}

Thoughts:

The first part of last week was tough mentally because I was consumed with cramming for finals and keeping my A’s. I spent the first 3 days of the week hunched over my kitchen table, surrounded by textbooks, and not getting enough sleep. My savior throughout it all was clean eating, no doubt about it. In finals weeks of the past I have succumbed to sugar and caffeine to get me through the stress, which only made me feel worse than before. I usually end up with a cold or some type of bug from high stress levels and horrible nutrition. But this time I kept to my plan and even though I had to push off my workouts until the end of the week, I stayed on track with my eating and it really pushed me through. When all was said and done, the semester ended and I put my mind toward my workouts and upped the weights and intensity of my cardio. I can see the results in my measurements and it feels good.

{Day 15: Wednesday May 16, 2012}

(Source: #whatshouldwecallme, one of my favorite Tumblrs)

{This basically describes the last couple of days of my life.}

I am officially done with both Chemistry and Anatomy, and please God someone remind me not to take two sciences on the same day in the fall when I’m signing up for classes. Never again!

It was a long one yesterday, getting up and knowing that I would spend most of the day cramming. I spent about 3 hours on the couch then moved for another 2 hours to the kitchen table, then went to my 6pm class, came home at 8:30 and spent another 3 hours at the table before realizing “Oh shiz, I didn’t cook my meals for tomorrow!”, spending until 1am cooking, and then studying again until about 2:30am. Then waking up at 8:30, studying another 2 hours on the couch when my calculator broke and my Chemistry test was in an hour so I had to book it to Office Depot and then go to school to take my final. Got done with Chem, ate Meal 3, went to attack my Anatomy test—which lasted 2 hours. Yes, 2 hours.

And now I’m done.

Well, not technically because I have my Italian final tomorrow but that won’t be nearly as bad and I’m actually looking forward to sitting down to do some studying tomorrow because that class has been put on the back burner all semester and I actually enjoy learning the language. Too bad I can’t enjoy it until the last day of class but better late than never, right?

Ok, enough about that. At this time tomorrow I will be completely free to enjoy my summer and I debated taking a course in summer school this semester but they don’t offer the sciences I need. So I’m going to enjoy my summer and actually have time off school for the first time in a long time (since the summer of ‘10). I’m pretty excited about it and it will give me time to relax, read, and focus on my training.

This is good.

{On Temptation…….And Booze}

After coming home from work earlier than expected my husband happened to be off work as well and was already out meeting up with a couple that we are friends with. He told me to come meet them out while they had a couple of drinks. At first I was excited to go out and do something that didn’t involve being inside the house but as I got ready I realized how I was stalling and having a lot of negative thoughts about it. I think I was so exhausted and so mentally drained that the thought of going out and resisting the temptation to drink and sitting with my sparkling water while everyone else was enjoying a cocktail just didn’t sound appealing. I actually got into the car and got down the street before I turned around, came home, and changed into my sweatpants. I sent my husband a text letting him know I was just too tired, which was completely true. I couldn’t even think about how to keep up a conversation at that point but I also asked myself, “Are you doing this because you can’t drink?” because a drink is exactly what I felt like I needed right then. My answer was not completely because I couldn’t drink, but part of it was….if I want to be honest. I think it was mostly that I didn’t have the mental capacity to spend on thinking about not drinking and by not putting myself in that situation I was avoiding the whole resisting process. I do not want to turn down invitations in the future because of the plan I’m on and I need to remember that I chose this journey and it is my choice and I shouldn’t deny myself a chance to be social because of it. But today I realized that my mindset wasn’t 100% on my goal and I was afraid that it would be too easy to order a drink and go off of my plan. 

It’s a learning process and I know that tomorrow I won’t wake up regretting a bad decision and I will be stronger for it.